Living in a Fishbowl....

So, I'm still here at Children's with Josiah. It is day16. Christalin went home a couple of days ago.

I had been trying to call my mom for a couple of weeks and haven't gotten an answer. Well, I finally got a hold of my dad. The news is not good. His cancer is back. They can't operate. They are giving him three months.

How can I deal with this information? I'm trying to be so strong for my kids. Nurses and doctors are coming in all day long, so I can't cry. It is a fishbowl here. I went to the chapel to cry and pray. I was alone and it felt good to have time to pray and cry. All too soon, someone put their hand on my shoulder. They were starting a meeting. I just want to be alone, so I left. I'm feeling like a freak trying not to cry. Where can I be alone? I went up to the 5th floor and down a seldom used hallway. I stood facing the corner and cried. People still came through the hallway so it wasn't private either. My heart hurts. Because of my kids MRSA I wont be able to hug my dad, or even touch him. Now I wont ever be able to again. How sad is that? He is in so much pain. I don't want him to suffer. But I want my daddy. I don't want to say goodbye already.

Well, here comes another therapist. Time to put my happy mask on and choke back the tears. That's what mama's do best right?

Quotes to Ponder...

I haven't kept up with my quotes to ponder for a while. This post will be a bit different from ones in the past. I'm sitting up at Children's Hospital with a bit of a heavy heart.

I just talked to my dad. He has been having pains in his stomach. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. They did test after test and everything came back negative. Until today. The cancer is back. He already started chemotherapy, which means we will not be able to see him or my mom for at least another six months due to my kid's MRSA.

The good news is that Christalin gets to go home from the hospital today. She has been here for two weeks. The bad news is Josiah has to stay. He hasn't responded as quickly to the treatments. I don't know what to do. Please pray for logistics.

I feel like crying, but I'm kind of in a goldfish bowl here, with nurses, and doctors coming and going all the time. Please pray for my heavy heart. Thank you for your prayers!

__________________

I was facebooking and a couple of quotes stood out to me. I hope they help you too.

“If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you're going to be cockeyed today.”

~ Author Unknown ~

WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES; it takes away today's PEACE.

When you go through a trial, the sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which you lay your head.” - Spurgeon

Bucket List update

A few years ago I found this bucket list. I was looking at it again and realized I could check a few more off the list! Only 38 more to go! A lot of the ones left are traveling ones, so who knows if I'll ever get them done. Remember, this was not a list I made up. I found it on a friend's blog. There are a few I'm not interested in ever doing! (like 11, 26,& 27!)
1. Started your own blog.
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped (No Way!!!!)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee