Living in a Fishbowl....

So, I'm still here at Children's with Josiah. It is day16. Christalin went home a couple of days ago.

I had been trying to call my mom for a couple of weeks and haven't gotten an answer. Well, I finally got a hold of my dad. The news is not good. His cancer is back. They can't operate. They are giving him three months.

How can I deal with this information? I'm trying to be so strong for my kids. Nurses and doctors are coming in all day long, so I can't cry. It is a fishbowl here. I went to the chapel to cry and pray. I was alone and it felt good to have time to pray and cry. All too soon, someone put their hand on my shoulder. They were starting a meeting. I just want to be alone, so I left. I'm feeling like a freak trying not to cry. Where can I be alone? I went up to the 5th floor and down a seldom used hallway. I stood facing the corner and cried. People still came through the hallway so it wasn't private either. My heart hurts. Because of my kids MRSA I wont be able to hug my dad, or even touch him. Now I wont ever be able to again. How sad is that? He is in so much pain. I don't want him to suffer. But I want my daddy. I don't want to say goodbye already.

Well, here comes another therapist. Time to put my happy mask on and choke back the tears. That's what mama's do best right?