Intentional Joy

This year has not proven to be the best year.  We started the year in the hospital with Josiah and Christalin's Cystic Fibrosis acting up.  While we were in the hospital, I got notice that my dad's cancer was back.  In February, our whole family got the flu.  We were sick for the whole month.  March was a  laid back month, as we were still trying to recover.  Then in April, we went in for a fasting glucose test.  Unfortunately, both Christalin and Josiah tested postive for diabetes.  In my eyes, this was one of the worst things that could happen.  Both Josiah and Christalin have always had major needle anxiety.  They do not deal with them very well.  We have had the Child Life Specialists help them through many a blood draw and dressing change.  Our hospital room has always been a safe place.  Now it is not.

Now they have to get poked on their fingers at least five times a day.  They have to get insulin shots at least four times a day.  I have to administer them all.  The moans from my son, and the fear in my daughter's eyes as I come near them, is enough to break your heart.  I don't understand why they had to have diabetes.  It seems overwhelming.  It turns out that Christalin has Cystic Fibrosis related diabetes, whereas Josiah has Diabetes Type 1.  With Josiah having Type 1, it means it is an auto-immune disorder, which can lead to other auto-immune diseases such as thyroid problems and Celiac disease.  Fortunately, the thyroid tests have come back negative.  Unfortunately, the Celiac tests were not sent to the lab, due to an oversight.  They just turned them in yesterday.  It will take two weeks for the results to come back.  I am still praying that they come back negative.  Honestly, Josiah has enough on his plate right now.

Hopefully we will all be able to go home tomorrow.  They have approved Christalin, but have not approved Josiah.  I told them that they need to go home together, as I don't have anyone at home to take care of Christalin's diabetes management while Mike is at work.  We'll see what happens.

My word for the year is "Intentional Joy".  I wish I hadn't picked that word.  I am having a hard time finding joy in these circumstances.  There is never going to be an end of the pokes and shots.  This is their life.  Both of my children want to be missionaries.  This will make it all the more harder for them.  I know God is in control, but it is so hard right now.